Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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