and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
