i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
