2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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