Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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