I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
