never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
