i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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