Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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