My nipple is on Facebook.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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