Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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