If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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