Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
