What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
