Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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