she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
