Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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