he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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