is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You work out of a Hotel?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
