Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
