Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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