I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
