Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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