Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
