im drinking this country out of the recession.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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