Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
