Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
