First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize