Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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