Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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