margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
