I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
