Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
