I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
