I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
