Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
