I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
