She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
