yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
