I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
