Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
