how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
