I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
