no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
