I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
