She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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