Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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