I could make wine with my vomit
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
