I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The feeling are messing with the penis
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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