is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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