I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
