Already got asked if we're dating
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
