My sheets look like a crime scene.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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