Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You ate ashes out of my bong
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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