all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
