someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
