this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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