Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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