Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
