fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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