We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
