I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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