Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
