Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
