I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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