Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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