Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am naked and annoyed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.