don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain