I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just had sex on a roof
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.