his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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