i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys