u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night