Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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