I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
