All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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