I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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