And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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