Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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