you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My dad is sitting where you rode me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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