I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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