i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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