found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
